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Loss is an unsettling agony

Death is unsettling. It doesn’t fit in your calendar and it even forgets to give a reminder. It just approaches unannounced and everything comes to a standstill. When we worry about missing an appointment or being late for work they seem petty issues if you consider death. My hubby keeps telling me birth, wedding and death are three big events of life. You have to be there for people at these stages if you care.

We all know about TTC and how every time there is a hope for new life your heart skips a beat. New life just like death comes randomly. We can try and hope and pray but it will happen when it happens. The jitters of first love, losing virginity and finding a partner for life come with a baggage. You can have second child and multiple birthdays or weddings, but death is ultimate. There is no retakes or repetitions for death. We don’t like to talk about it. We won’t blog about it or share it on social media, unless it is some popular individual. Death is mysterious and scary to be honest. You can be healthy, happy and honest one day but gone the next.

I am not ready for this, initially I imagined it wouldn’t be so bad to just leave the world tomorrow. Now the entire perspective is changed after my father-in-law passed away. May his soul rest in peace. He was a healthy individual, a loving and caring father and very charismatic helpful person in his society. People knew they could count on him and his network of hard working friends and colleagues. At the age of 61 he is survived by his wife, 2 daughters and a son. It wasn’t fair on any of us that death chose him.

I am frightened to think there must be hundreds of items on his agenda. He was attending his nephew’s wedding the next day, there must have been excitement and joy. No second chances at resetting his diary schedule. Just few gasps of air in his beloved wife’s arms at 4:00 am in the morning he left us all.

Everyone who came to the funeral spoke highly of him and was in shock. People came and paid their respects then left. There is no possibility of filling the voids in the hearts of his family. Only memories and few possessions and things to remember by. It is unfair to make plans for years down the road, to save for retirement and plan every aspect of life to micro level.

The process of leaving this world and going to another place, if reincarnation theory is true is painful. I cannot believe a person is gone just like my grand parents. Distance is a buffer, you lose them in person but their memories live as reality. The mourning period and the last rites all puzzle me so much. You shun the entertainment and daily routine and pray for the departed soul. It is hard, especially if you don’t feel the person is gone. Realizing the truth is harder than anything.

The families left behind can move forward but there seems nothing waiting in the path ahead. Everything comes to a standstill. With birth there is a supersonic speed added to families and marriages are certainly a new upgrade to couples life but death is not easy to describe. You cannot adjust, overcome or win over it. It is just an end. A silence leaving you amidst so many questions and thoughts, it is hard to fathom the realities and the design of life.

May your soul rest in peace dear dad & we get strength to continue existing.

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Posted by on June 17, 2015 in Experiences

 

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Shadow search

Your real shadow

Your real shadow

Most of us have seen our shadows as we walk at dusk along the well-lit sidewalk of the cities. Headphones plugged in ears, lost in dreams and hopes for tomorrow and a subconscious brain that keeps track of activities around you.

This subconscious of  mine has an inkling towards the shadow. I tend to look at my shadow and keep track of it. I assume this is my good vs bad dilemma and the shadow resembles the evil in us or dark side. Interestingly I have noticed that there are many bright lights in the city and unlike the one shadow moon gave us as in times of our forefathers, we walk with 4-5 different shadows surrounding us.

Consider it like the negative effect our society and environment casts on us. Starting from peer pressure to excel at work or play. In February we observed a day for mental illness and the core foundations we lay depend on the scores others give us. Getting approval for garment we wear to the kind of career we should pursue there is an external impact pressing hard against the original carefree wishes budding inside us as a child.

One shadow for every wish we kill within us as we run the race for excelling in the human society. Survival of fittest is no more the only criteria. There are hundreds of parameters and being comfortable in your own skin is not one of them. Try hard to hide from the elements that prey on your innocence and you will be labelled.

Acceptance in the social circle, close family, social media, your work place and more takes a toll on the basic structure. Solitude is replaced by havoc. As we tend to fit in these circles we miss out on the real evil budding inside us. Which habits are bad and what are the things keeping me from being a happy healthy individual? These sole ideas necessary for flourishing within your body are easily ignored in pursuit of holding social gatherings, attending meaningless events and a false assurance that just raises more dark  areas in our lives.

If we focus on the real issues our life could be a lot easier. Your original shadow will stay on with you. Do not get carried away by these artificial dark spells cast upon human race. You are the only person who can compare and dismiss what is important in your life. Do not give anyone but yourself the chance to judge and improve the aspects that can add values to life.

Search for the weakest link and mend it in time to stand strong even if the whole world was turning against you. Stay strong, your shadow will be where it belongs, below your feet.

 
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Posted by on March 3, 2013 in Experiences, Writing

 

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Search your soul!

Somewhere in the world’s crowd is a lonely heart,

Separated from its real soul and harshly ripped apart.

 

Restless and gloomy becomes its daily state,

Only is it thinking of ways to search his mate.

 

This natural tempest will now not subside,

Until, she is found and stays always beside.

 

As the moon light comes from the sun,

His heart beats just for her but none.

 

When she is found his eyes simply glows,

And takes her to a land, no one ever knows.

 

An enchanting world of new dreams forms,

It is full of love, care and joy songs.

 

Ask your heart if searching it wants to start,

Even if you missed a train, you still have the cart.

 
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Posted by on August 9, 2012 in Poems

 

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Long gone

If the earth was a pool of skeletons..

I am long dead.

Poison can’t kill me..

Nor can hurt or torturing pain..

I was long gone..

Just u didn’t notice..

Few beings come back to life..

But that is not me..

Words were the culprit..

They murdered my soul..

Your actions made me fall apart..

The zombie pretending as me still wonders..

Why I trusted you…what made me believe?

Were your eyes deceptive..?

Or your touch changed the scene?

If only I could die again with peace..

I would choose a place to be..

Where your faltering words don’t reach my senses..

So does your fake love… falter to pass..

If that was love I would rather be….

unloved, untouched and unspoken..

Just set my soul free…

So this ghoul is at peace.. at some other better place..

 
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Posted by on April 20, 2012 in Poems

 

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