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Ode to Grandma

On March 3rd my maternal grandma passed away. I will always remember how strong and jolly she was. These are my feelings and thoughts that poured out.

बैठे बैठे याद करू मैं, पल जो बिताए साथ मे हम ने.
कितना दिल चाहे एक आखरी मुलाकात करू मैं.

दिखती है तू अपनी नानी जैसी, कहते है लोग कभी,
अब लगता है क्यू नही मैं सयानी अपनी नानी जैसी अभी.

मेरी नानी के थे चाँदी से बाल,
सोने का उनका दिल भी था कमाल.

हाथ पकड़ कर मंदिर ले जाती वो,
पिसता, बादाम, मिशरी और किशमीस भी खिलाती वो.

पढ़ने मे थोड़ा और मंन लगाओ बेटा,
ममी को ना इतना सताओ बेटा.

मेरी तो छात्रा भी बन जाती वो,
जब ABCD का सांग रटन लगती वो.

हंसा बेन के नाम से सब ने उनको जाना,
पेर मेरी तो प्यारी ननिजी थी वो.

गीले शिकवे भुलाना, आगे बढ़ते जाना,
हिम्मत कभी ना हारना, दर के ना भाग आना.

सबक सिखाए सारे, बिन कहे हमेशा मुस्कुरये,
भक्ति की तकोरजी की अपने, बाल गोपाल ही उनके मंन भाए.

प्यार से वो बुलाती थी, यहाँ आओ बेटा एक बात काहु,
सिरने बिता के प्यार दुलार कर जाती थी वो.

गंगा, यमुना और नर्मदा सब मे डुबकी लगा के आई थी वो,
हरिद्वार, मथुरा और हिमालय भी पोहॉंच के आई थी वो.

जब भी मंन भटक जाता है, मौत से या बीमारी से भयबीत होता है,
नानी को अपने मैं याद करती हू, उनके साहस से खुद मे विश्वास भरती हू.

आज आप नही हो इस दुनिया मे, लेकिन,
याद हमेशा आप के कोमल स्पर्श को करती हू.

कुछ बातों मे मैं काश थोड़ी तो बन पौउ अपनी प्यारी नानी जैसी,
दिल मे हमेशा रहोगे आप हमारी प्रिया कहानी जैसे.

Translation
As I sit here and think about the happy moments we shared together,
My heart longs for meeting you one last time.

‘You look like your grandma’, many people would say,
Today I wonder why I am not just as wise as her again.

My grandma had silver long hair,
She had an amazing heart of gold.

She held my baby hands & took me to the temples,
Always gave us sweet treats of pistas, almonds and raisins galore.

Sit down to finish your studies dear!
Don’t cause your mother too much stress dear!

She even played a student with me,
As we learned ABCs in pretend play school acts.

Hansa ben was her popular name,
But for me she will always be my grandma dear.

Let go of the grudges, keep moving ahead in life,
Never give up and don’t quit under fear.

Her life lessons will always stay, her precious smile leads  ahead,
Devotee of Lord Krishna, she was keen on praying.

Lovingly she would call us, come here I’ll tell you something dear,
All she wanted was her kids to be near.

Ganga, Yamuna and Narmada, she swam every river,
She pilgrimaged all places in the Hindu scriptures.

When my head panics and I fear death and sickness,
I remember your strong fight with cancer, diabetes and ailments big and small.

You have passed to the heavenly abode,
But I will always remember your gentle touch.

I wish I could be a little like you my dear grandma,
You will forever be in our hearts like a beautiful legacy now.

May you rest in peace Naniji ❤

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Posted by on March 8, 2017 in Experiences, Writing

 

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Loss is an unsettling agony

Death is unsettling. It doesn’t fit in your calendar and it even forgets to give a reminder. It just approaches unannounced and everything comes to a standstill. When we worry about missing an appointment or being late for work they seem petty issues if you consider death. My hubby keeps telling me birth, wedding and death are three big events of life. You have to be there for people at these stages if you care.

We all know about TTC and how every time there is a hope for new life your heart skips a beat. New life just like death comes randomly. We can try and hope and pray but it will happen when it happens. The jitters of first love, losing virginity and finding a partner for life come with a baggage. You can have second child and multiple birthdays or weddings, but death is ultimate. There is no retakes or repetitions for death. We don’t like to talk about it. We won’t blog about it or share it on social media, unless it is some popular individual. Death is mysterious and scary to be honest. You can be healthy, happy and honest one day but gone the next.

I am not ready for this, initially I imagined it wouldn’t be so bad to just leave the world tomorrow. Now the entire perspective is changed after my father-in-law passed away. May his soul rest in peace. He was a healthy individual, a loving and caring father and very charismatic helpful person in his society. People knew they could count on him and his network of hard working friends and colleagues. At the age of 61 he is survived by his wife, 2 daughters and a son. It wasn’t fair on any of us that death chose him.

I am frightened to think there must be hundreds of items on his agenda. He was attending his nephew’s wedding the next day, there must have been excitement and joy. No second chances at resetting his diary schedule. Just few gasps of air in his beloved wife’s arms at 4:00 am in the morning he left us all.

Everyone who came to the funeral spoke highly of him and was in shock. People came and paid their respects then left. There is no possibility of filling the voids in the hearts of his family. Only memories and few possessions and things to remember by. It is unfair to make plans for years down the road, to save for retirement and plan every aspect of life to micro level.

The process of leaving this world and going to another place, if reincarnation theory is true is painful. I cannot believe a person is gone just like my grand parents. Distance is a buffer, you lose them in person but their memories live as reality. The mourning period and the last rites all puzzle me so much. You shun the entertainment and daily routine and pray for the departed soul. It is hard, especially if you don’t feel the person is gone. Realizing the truth is harder than anything.

The families left behind can move forward but there seems nothing waiting in the path ahead. Everything comes to a standstill. With birth there is a supersonic speed added to families and marriages are certainly a new upgrade to couples life but death is not easy to describe. You cannot adjust, overcome or win over it. It is just an end. A silence leaving you amidst so many questions and thoughts, it is hard to fathom the realities and the design of life.

May your soul rest in peace dear dad & we get strength to continue existing.

 
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Posted by on June 17, 2015 in Experiences

 

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Happy Father’s Day Papa!

You are the best Dad in my world!

You are the best Dad in my world!

Raising kids is the toughest job,

especially without the ties of the umbilical cord.

Patiently and carefully a father learns his duties,

Starts with a diaper change to midnight soothing, playtime and school.

Moments turn to days as helping with homework,

going to games, deciding right-wrong takes a toll.

Endless driving lessons, impeccable taste of music,

countless arguments and family times seem like days of yester years.

Nothing beats the togetherness shared,a bond beyond the cord so rare,

That each woman tries finding a partner reflecting those ideal qualities as her Papa.

Sad it is as we leave for creating new homes,

but the lessons you taught will never be less than gold.

I cherish you and treasure you my dad!

I find it funny some days as a kid, of you my mentor/ friend i was scared.

 
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Posted by on June 16, 2013 in Poems

 

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The monsoon revelations

Rain cleared all the dust and more clear than ever i see a new world

Rain cleared all the dust and more clear than ever i see a new world

There are very few locations in the world that can claim to have a season for rainfall. India has a monsoon season of its own. Four months of incessant, unscheduled or even scarce rain over diverse lands. It has been touching the lives of people in different ways. Some experiences maybe sad, humorous or even ironic to begin with. For instance the floods in Mumbai in 2005 that cut off the whole city from rest of the world for hours. The destruction and impact on lives of commuters and residents of the city was strong enough to leave long-lasting scars and loss of life and money. There are good things out of the bad events and many people came out to help each other. The survival stories are definitely soul-stirring.

Where do I take you with all this information? Well I have some incident of my own that is related to this season of the rainfall. As a child I loved the rains, even now it amazes me in ways I cannot describe. The incessant downpour from the heavens above can be related to childish pranks, getting soaked in the waters, leaking ceilings and getting in touch with mother nature. I loved to make paper boats as a kid and enjoy the rains. Mumbai rainfall meant no train services, overflowing drainage and clogged water everywhere and definitely holiday in school. On one unfortunate night a loud thud woke my parents and we found out the compound wall separating a large ground from our residence had fallen down due to the water pressure on other side. It was fun for us kids. We used to climb the wall to go on the other side for plucking wildflowers and treasure hunts. Now we just walked to the other side.

As a family of four we always played in the rains. I remember dad asking with a naughty smile, want to get wet in the rain? We never said no to that, especially if it meant hot masala chai and some spicy snacks made by mom and no studying for a while. It is a beautiful memory etched in my mind. I just didn’t like the dark skies which was dull when I was sitting by myself and observing the rains, when in company of others the outside weather didn’t bother me so much.

Floods most certainly had me in a home bound situation when I was living in hostel. The phones were dead and no mess food for days only got me irritated. I had walked for hours in knee-deep waters to reach a bus stop that finally took me to the outskirts of my town. That was one long day.

The irony of monsoon struck me when I went to live with my sister. I wanted us to bond after we were forced to stay away for school and other reasons. We rented a 1 bedroom apartment which was advertised in the news paper. India is well-known for corruption and trickery. We didn’t suspect anything as the good in us makes us believe all are good too. All excited we moved our luggage and even went out shopping for some basic household items. I was way to happy to finally connect with my sister and make up for the childhood fights to notice anything out-of-place.

We slept there for one night and all was good  until the next day. Dark skies surrounded the city and we were enjoying the rain as our family ritual. However it was different this time. The soaking didn’t stop at the terrace. Water kept dripping off the ceiling and the walls from various places all night. We were not worried initially, but after morning investigation of the house we found the whole apartment was soaking up water like a sponge. Immediately we tried to contact the person who rented us the place.

It was weird how he ignored our concern and simply said he will get it fixed after some time. We were worried, as the place cost a lot of money and this inconvenience was just not tolerable. Asking the neighbors we found out about the owner of the place. How people can trick you is just unimaginable. A guy rented the house from someone else and then re-rented us without permission. He already knew it was not good enough to live in. All the suspicions came true when we went to talk to the owners.

They simply mocked us and pulled their hands off the deal. Said they didn’t know anything about the re-renting and we have to talk to the person we dealt with. After two sleepless nights, luckily my dear school friend came to our rescue and let us live in her home. A sad sight it was when at 12:00 am we were moving all the bags to her place. Of all the lessons I have learnt till date this was God’s strictest way to teach me how trusting others can have a price.

After few phone calls and help from my paternal uncle who was in the police department we finally got our money back. With some search for next few days we moved to another place. This time we did full inquiry and then moved in. Sadly me and my sister kept fighting and till date do grill each other, I wonder when the lesson in sibling bonding will be enlightened upon my ignorant spirit. However I am more careful with people now and keep clear of any sites that appear fishy.

Lightening and thunder does not frighten me nor do I hate getting soaked, there is not much about the rain that you want to hate. Only an attachable umbrella with belt can be preferred to the hand-held ones we use right now, rain coats are not suited to my taste for sure.

Waiting for the pitter-patter and water drops trickling through my window soon for more revelations to open my eyes.

 
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Posted by on February 18, 2013 in Experiences

 

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Meet us as……

Here live three little fairies,

They know no word like worries.

Doing mischief throughout the day,

Problems and sorrows are kept a bay.

 

They are ever filled with laughter,

But beware they may slaughter.

Like a mother they can care,

So think once more if you could bear.

 

With them you’ll never think of your woes,

They’ll make worries disappear from your brows.

They speak the language of love and war,

For them age, color or caste is no bar.

 

Ever spreading joy and happiness near and far,

Precious and rare as gems they are.

With them your life will bloom or blossom,

I’ll call them the tempestuous threesome.

 
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Posted by on August 9, 2012 in Poems

 

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Explaining how to solve me…

When I am alone, with sorrow my heart cries in pain,

All bad memories come to me like the flooding rain.

 

Every way out seems to be closed or blocked,

I am trapped in there to suffocate just locked.

 

I call your name hoping to be heard,

Expecting you to free me as, you get my word.

 

What you do is stand and stare,

Trying to gain courage to understand then dare.

 

But I need you to just hold me in your arms,

Speak some comforting words that act on me like charms.

 

Come close boy and listen to my heart,

Look into my eyes lovingly for the magic to start.

 

With you by my side no harm can come,

Problems will run away quickly in direction some.

 

Soon I will be fine with a smile glowing,

Trying to engage you in the, mischief playing.

 
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Posted by on August 9, 2012 in Poems

 

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Search your soul!

Somewhere in the world’s crowd is a lonely heart,

Separated from its real soul and harshly ripped apart.

 

Restless and gloomy becomes its daily state,

Only is it thinking of ways to search his mate.

 

This natural tempest will now not subside,

Until, she is found and stays always beside.

 

As the moon light comes from the sun,

His heart beats just for her but none.

 

When she is found his eyes simply glows,

And takes her to a land, no one ever knows.

 

An enchanting world of new dreams forms,

It is full of love, care and joy songs.

 

Ask your heart if searching it wants to start,

Even if you missed a train, you still have the cart.

 
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Posted by on August 9, 2012 in Poems

 

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