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Loss is an unsettling agony

Death is unsettling. It doesn’t fit in your calendar and it even forgets to give a reminder. It just approaches unannounced and everything comes to a standstill. When we worry about missing an appointment or being late for work they seem petty issues if you consider death. My hubby keeps telling me birth, wedding and death are three big events of life. You have to be there for people at these stages if you care.

We all know about TTC and how every time there is a hope for new life your heart skips a beat. New life just like death comes randomly. We can try and hope and pray but it will happen when it happens. The jitters of first love, losing virginity and finding a partner for life come with a baggage. You can have second child and multiple birthdays or weddings, but death is ultimate. There is no retakes or repetitions for death. We don’t like to talk about it. We won’t blog about it or share it on social media, unless it is some popular individual. Death is mysterious and scary to be honest. You can be healthy, happy and honest one day but gone the next.

I am not ready for this, initially I imagined it wouldn’t be so bad to just leave the world tomorrow. Now the entire perspective is changed after my father-in-law passed away. May his soul rest in peace. He was a healthy individual, a loving and caring father and very charismatic helpful person in his society. People knew they could count on him and his network of hard working friends and colleagues. At the age of 61 he is survived by his wife, 2 daughters and a son. It wasn’t fair on any of us that death chose him.

I am frightened to think there must be hundreds of items on his agenda. He was attending his nephew’s wedding the next day, there must have been excitement and joy. No second chances at resetting his diary schedule. Just few gasps of air in his beloved wife’s arms at 4:00 am in the morning he left us all.

Everyone who came to the funeral spoke highly of him and was in shock. People came and paid their respects then left. There is no possibility of filling the voids in the hearts of his family. Only memories and few possessions and things to remember by. It is unfair to make plans for years down the road, to save for retirement and plan every aspect of life to micro level.

The process of leaving this world and going to another place, if reincarnation theory is true is painful. I cannot believe a person is gone just like my grand parents. Distance is a buffer, you lose them in person but their memories live as reality. The mourning period and the last rites all puzzle me so much. You shun the entertainment and daily routine and pray for the departed soul. It is hard, especially if you don’t feel the person is gone. Realizing the truth is harder than anything.

The families left behind can move forward but there seems nothing waiting in the path ahead. Everything comes to a standstill. With birth there is a supersonic speed added to families and marriages are certainly a new upgrade to couples life but death is not easy to describe. You cannot adjust, overcome or win over it. It is just an end. A silence leaving you amidst so many questions and thoughts, it is hard to fathom the realities and the design of life.

May your soul rest in peace dear dad & we get strength to continue existing.

 
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Posted by on June 17, 2015 in Experiences

 

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Death

It knows no time, it follows no day,

It swallows the rich & poor unchanged, come what may.

 

Some people fear it some simply pray,

The brave face it, old want to embrace it today.

 

Bringing sorrow to friends & family, relief to the enemy,

Beautiful /ugly, high/low, not excusing new born or the pretty eyed doe.

The day we start our journey we know,

Some day our life will end up like the melting snow.

 

Live life as it arrives each moment,

Spread joy to one and all, never be proud or adamant.

 

Pile up gold or buildings tall, acts count more, however small,

Your dignified glory may live but not the money after the last call.

 
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Posted by on June 27, 2012 in Writing

 

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Ghostly Wellcome to Death!

There was a small village that had a population of 500 people. It was a happy place to live. It had all the facilities and the people flourished and live comfortably there. In this village lived a girl named Kristie. She was in her early teens. She lived with her parents and a younger sister. Their family was a small joyous one. The parents taught their daughters to believe in themselves and have faith in God. They trusted their daughters and thought they are self-sufficient. One fine evening Kristie was playing hide and seek with her friends. She was a good at it and anyone could hardly find her most of the times when they played. Sometimes she used to come out of hiding after a day or two. But most of her hiding places were known to all, now she needed a new spot to hide herself.

She went to the far off fields and near the well she found a good hiding place. She hid there for many hours together thinking her friends are searching for her. She had some candy bars that kept her hunger satiated. Now it was night time as she peeked out of her hiding place. “Oh God, It is night now and I am unable to see anything.” said Kristie. She started walking around to trying to find the way back home. Suddenly her leg slipped and she fell into the well. Her dress belt got stuck in the shrub that kept her from hurting herself from the fall.

She tried to understand what happened and she felt the cold water under her feet. ‘I am in the well’, thought Kristie. She wanted to climb up and go back home to her parents. They were going to celebrate her sister’s birthday next day. As she tried to free herself from the branches of the shrub she fell into the water. It was ice cold water. She felt the things around with her hands and found a slab of wall, near the well that was above the water. She climbed it and sat there, it kept her from being in the chilling waters all night. She ate her chocolate bars and thought about home.

There was a sound – a soft whisper, near her. She wondered what it could be! Then it came again, the whisper, this time it was like someone said something in her ears. “You will not be able to go out from here now.” “You are trapped here forever”, said the voice again. She couldn’t see anything so she asked, “who are you and what are you doing here in this well?” The voice replied,” I am a woman and I was trapped here long time ago.” Kristie couldn’t understand what was going on. She wondered who the person could be and what made her stay there in that well. Kristie asked, “Do you live here?” The voice replied, “Yes! Since the past 100 years.” “So you are a spirit”, Kristie asked. “Right my dear”, replied the voice. “I was a visitor here; I came to see my friend in this village.” “I just stopped here to drink water and I slipped into this well.” “I waited for 8 long days thinking I will be found by someone, and then I died.” Kristie was shocked to hear this. She thought this was a dream and she was imagining all this happening to her. But the cold winds from the top of the wells and the stars in the sky made her believe her that this was happening in reality. She said to the spirit that she will be taken away the next day when her parents find her missing. On hearing this, the spirit laughed loudly and said, “I was like you too, believing that I will be found.” “It is not like that dear; no one cares about people who are out of sight.” “No, my parents love me very much and they will find me tomorrow.” “It is my sister’s birthday too, and I have made a doll house for her as a present.” said Kristie. She fell asleep thinking about the doll house and her sister’s birthday surprise.

It was a bird that woke her up. She looked around and was surprised to see that it was the well and it was no dream. She looked up at the walls of the well. They were partly broken and shrubs grew around it. No wonder she didn’t see the well, as the shrubs covered it. She called for help many times, but no one ever replied to her voice. She was exhausted and hungry. She wanted to be home helping her mom with the birthday preparations. Back home everyone thought she was playing one of her pranks again, as a part of the birthday surprise. She saw the water and played with the birds and the frogs in the well. She even stepped up on the bricks adjoining the wall of the well but they were old so they fell off on touching. She thought of the voice she heard last night. She believed in her parents and their teachings. She had trust that they will find her missing and come looking for her. She picked wild berries of the bushes growing through the cracks in the walls and ate them. She kept praying that she could be there for her sister’s birthday.

She fell asleep thinking about going back and living her free life again. Days kept passing by and no one found her in the well. Her parents went on a holiday with her sister leaving a note for her. They thought she went to see her aunt in the next village or was just playing around. She kept waiting in the well. Her calls echoing through the walls of the well made her happy for a while; she thought it was someone out there calling her name. She had the spirit for company at times. The spirit told her many times that no one was coming and she should make the well her home, but she kept faith in her parents, their teachings and love. Six days passed with the berries and the well water. She begun to get weaker and weaker physically every day, but her faith was strong as ever. She kept wondering what games her friends would play when they will meet and what all she wanted to do when she grew up.

The spirit took care of her and gave her company. Soon her condition worsened and she was nearing death. She still kept looking at the top of the well, at the sky and waited for her family and friends to find her. But no one came ever. She died and the well was her corpse’s home. She met God after death and he said, “Child you go alone on earth and you come back alone, the bonds that you make during that journey shouldn’t be trusted more than you trust yourself.” “If you had trusted yourself more this wouldn’t have been so difficult for you to accept and you would have been careful while playing or died in peace.”

– Mildew

 
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Posted by on May 3, 2012 in Home, Short Stories

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Death

It knows no time, it follows no day,

It swallows the rich & poor unchanged, come what may.

 

Some people fear it some simply pray,

The brave face it, old want to embrace it today.

 

Bringing sorrow to friends & family, relief to the enemy,

Beautiful /ugly, high/low, not excusing new born or the pretty eyed doe.

The day we start our journey we know,

Some day our life will end up like the melting snow.

 

Live life as it arrives each moment,

Spread joy to one and all, never be proud or adamant.

 

Pile up gold or buildings tall, acts count more, however small,

Your dignified glory may live but not the money after the last call.

 

                                                -Mildew 

 
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Posted by on September 1, 2011 in Poems

 

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