Happiness imagery or real?


We tend to keep changing over time and it is hard not to judge what you achieve over a long haul. Achievements in every aspect are not overseen by the society. Today I decided to come along and join a writers group but guess what shyness is still clinging to me. After months of talking to strangers, my inhibitions don’t leave me alone. So back to my topic about individual checklist and the inkling to compare and comment on where we stand is always strong but what should be the best way to do it?

If I think how far I have come today from that kid I was in school? Not anywhere close to the free spirit I was, it is just all complicated as we grow. I think my self-introspection is too harsh and I should give more time to grow, reach out and mold this notion I have about being an ideal person. I earn enough to get by and save some for future, I am not on the verge of hating my job and I laugh and cry like anybody else. Then as I sit by myself or come to introduce what I do to strangers there is a hint of embarrassment in my tone. As if everyone would know my dreams were crushed on my journey somewhere and now I fear even to start fresh.

Is happiness only measurable in success? Will I be happy just with achievements of my future children or will I be more passionate to explore and be ambitious? Does my private life define accomplishment or my possession and bank balance?

If I cover my doubts with reassuring thoughts will I be lying to myself or will it be positive thinking? I am always comparing the present day to the stone age if men would be happier without all these scales to compare their life to? Money, possessions, ambitions and the rushing to and fro for work is unnerving.

What could we do to even things out?

List your priorities: Not all individuals are homing birds or ambition driven, some just want to be left alone. There are individuals who take each day as it comes. A list of priorities will be ideal, but leave room for flexibility and change.

Don’t be judgmental: The world gets its laughter and joy from mockery and comparing. Don’t give it that pleasure to kill your spirits. All we need to do is live by our own rules. Falling down the cracks of imperfections will be a direct road to a depressed life scenario.

Cherish your accomplishment: You have worked hard to achieve degrees, relationships, awards, jobs and bonuses that come along with it. Your kindness could have made a person smile or a simple gesture did change one’s sorrow to joy. Give yourself a pat on the shoulder for getting through the roller coaster ride.

Set your own scale: Small goals always tend to bring joy when fulfilled. If a target is set for 10 years from now, you may not reach there or even get a little off track sometimes. Giving a 1 month or 6 week target followed by 10-month goal maybe more doable and achievable. Long term goals show us the prize, but we have to enjoy the race for its adrenaline rush as well.

Bring friends & family close: We shy away from people we know if there is any failure in our life. We fear to lose them, worry that they will misjudge us or lose faith in us. But it is not always true. Our social circles can be the endless source of guidance and support. Let them in your world and share the fears with them, you never know how their ideas can give the push you just needed.

Happiness is a state of mind and based on the situation in life and the number of goals achieved, one day can be infinitesimally different from another. So let break your self-imposed inhibitions and shackles so you can take on the next challenge.


Waterfall – nature’s blessing

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Posted by on October 27, 2016 in Experiences


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Tutorial: Painting with Acrylic Inks

Learning some art now. This is amazing medium.

Jenny Dolfen Art


The latest huge new discovery of 2013 were acrylic inks (used to paint “Fog over Trasimene“). They’re quite similar to watercolours in many ways, but more versatile. They come in little bottles with eyedropper lids, just like the liquid watercolours I love to work with.

I’m working with three different brands here: FW Daler/Rowney Acrylic Artists Ink; Rohrer/Klingner Zeichentusche (drawing ink); and Liquitex Ink. The handling is almost identical to watercolours: I use them with my normal watercolour brushes, thinned down with water or undiluted. No changes there.

All the brands I use come in different opacity levels: from transparent like actual watercolours to opaque, and in this case, opaque is really opaque. I work with a selection of mainly transparent ones, to preserve my watercolour look, but have a few opaque ones, mainly light tones like white, for highlights. In order to keep them apart, I used…

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Posted by on July 6, 2016 in Writing


I was let go yesterday and I will survive.

This is a nationwide crisis going on, mass layoffs due to financial downturn. As I read about Enbridge cutting off 500 jobs on news, I felt pain in my heart. So many people and so many families affected. Little did I know same was coming for me as well? I could see the ache in our director’s eye when she was talking about the situation and trying to put in words why they have to let us go and get pay cuts them self. About 17 people in a company of more than 100 people were let go second time in the year. Deep inside, I knew this was coming at some point.


The road to somewhere

Just last week I was at my spouse’s graduation ceremony and saw the excitement of about 250 students who finished their school to move into workforce. All the dreams and hopes build over years now will meet the real world. A place where layoffs were so common and the currency just goes down the spiral, is there room for ambitions?

It is very saddening to hear about people losing their lives in terrorist attacks. I feel my sorrow is very insignificant compared to the lost and grieving families. I am still alive, so it is not the end yet. I can try for a new job again tomorrow and get back on my feet. During the last 2 years and 11 months of my employment, I have tried my best to give 100% effort. I was hardly sick and vacation was really a luxury.

As I thought frequently about moving forward in career and hoping to make a different future, this was a push from life to take the stand. I am now looking for a new job, a fourth chance in this country where people come to begin a new life. An engineer with a Ph.D. and a dreamer with M.Sc. are going to find their true calling and move ahead.

I like winter, more than summer because if it is cold you can layer up and still survive. Heat just destroys you inside out and so cold don’t bother us. So as it snowed outside, on day 1 of looking for a new career I am still struggling to realize I was let go yesterday. It was not my fault or my employers, but just a bad situation. The bills are still going to come through and find us. The stomach will still demand food and nutrition. I have to get through this and find a position to suit my qualification, goals and my interest.

I am hoping tomorrow will be better than yesterday and today is how I will make sure that happens. Good luck to everyone in the same boat.

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Posted by on November 18, 2015 in Writing


Loss is an unsettling agony

Death is unsettling. It doesn’t fit in your calendar and it even forgets to give a reminder. It just approaches unannounced and everything comes to a standstill. When we worry about missing an appointment or being late for work they seem petty issues if you consider death. My hubby keeps telling me birth, wedding and death are three big events of life. You have to be there for people at these stages if you care.

We all know about TTC and how every time there is a hope for new life your heart skips a beat. New life just like death comes randomly. We can try and hope and pray but it will happen when it happens. The jitters of first love, losing virginity and finding a partner for life come with a baggage. You can have second child and multiple birthdays or weddings, but death is ultimate. There is no retakes or repetitions for death. We don’t like to talk about it. We won’t blog about it or share it on social media, unless it is some popular individual. Death is mysterious and scary to be honest. You can be healthy, happy and honest one day but gone the next.

I am not ready for this, initially I imagined it wouldn’t be so bad to just leave the world tomorrow. Now the entire perspective is changed after my father-in-law passed away. May his soul rest in peace. He was a healthy individual, a loving and caring father and very charismatic helpful person in his society. People knew they could count on him and his network of hard working friends and colleagues. At the age of 61 he is survived by his wife, 2 daughters and a son. It wasn’t fair on any of us that death chose him.

I am frightened to think there must be hundreds of items on his agenda. He was attending his nephew’s wedding the next day, there must have been excitement and joy. No second chances at resetting his diary schedule. Just few gasps of air in his beloved wife’s arms at 4:00 am in the morning he left us all.

Everyone who came to the funeral spoke highly of him and was in shock. People came and paid their respects then left. There is no possibility of filling the voids in the hearts of his family. Only memories and few possessions and things to remember by. It is unfair to make plans for years down the road, to save for retirement and plan every aspect of life to micro level.

The process of leaving this world and going to another place, if reincarnation theory is true is painful. I cannot believe a person is gone just like my grand parents. Distance is a buffer, you lose them in person but their memories live as reality. The mourning period and the last rites all puzzle me so much. You shun the entertainment and daily routine and pray for the departed soul. It is hard, especially if you don’t feel the person is gone. Realizing the truth is harder than anything.

The families left behind can move forward but there seems nothing waiting in the path ahead. Everything comes to a standstill. With birth there is a supersonic speed added to families and marriages are certainly a new upgrade to couples life but death is not easy to describe. You cannot adjust, overcome or win over it. It is just an end. A silence leaving you amidst so many questions and thoughts, it is hard to fathom the realities and the design of life.

May your soul rest in peace dear dad & we get strength to continue existing.

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Posted by on June 17, 2015 in Experiences


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Puerto Vallarta

Nobody wants to read about gang wars breaking out. Most certainly not in the area where you possibly decide to go on a holiday. So when I read about caution and alert messages for individuals planning to visit Puerto Vallarta and Guadalajara area I was anxious. The worries and thoughts of tourist kidnapping and murders added to my sleepless nights.

On the day of departure the airports look crowded and there are multiple discussions about the alerts. During the 4 hour journey I overheard a guy talk about gun fights in different parts of US and Canada. Turbulence didn’t help the anxiety bubbling inside my head. As we landed, the humidity touch every inch of me. We walked through airport security and outside towards our pick up area, however the worrisome clouds still lurked in my thoughts. As I stepped out and saw the mountains breathed in the ocean mist everything was calm.

On my ride to Garza Blanca Preserve & resort we saw stunning boardwalk with hundreds of tourists. Couples walking through downtown showing romantic gestures, we even saw a pride parade. All the fears rushed away as I saw this was a city just as our own Calgary, a bit smaller but nonetheless vibrant.

The resort was very quiet considering it was off season, but the courteous staff were helpful. Our concierge guided us through the  general tourist information and dining details and we were led to our room. The ocean view of our honeymoon suite was breathtaking. The constant sound of waves and the chirping of birds on the preserve brought me to mother earth.

Each day of our vacation we ate a hearty breakfast, relaxed on the poolside and enjoyed the panoramic pools. Getting tanned was easy and there is no shortage of cocktails. I was happy to see my hubby relax and unwind after a crazy month. We went to a highly recommended show Rhythm of the Nights for a romantic dinner on island and Circue de Solei type of live music show. To my surprise it was enthralling and the singers were highly talented.

We walked around city for the tour, had hands on tequila lessons and enjoyed sea food after being a vegetarian for 14 long years. We rekindled our lost romance and celebrated precious moments of life. I would not say you must stop visiting places with alerts, but worrying about a trip before it happens is foolishness. I wonder that is why we need vacations. To keep the worries away and celebrate what time we have with each other. If you happen to visit Puerto Vallarta, you won’t get tired of hearing hola y como estas & muchas gracias amigo!

Dinner by the ocean

Dinner by the ocean


Posted by on June 17, 2015 in Writing


Happy Father’s Day Papa!

You are the best Dad in my world!

You are the best Dad in my world!

Raising kids is the toughest job,

especially without the ties of the umbilical cord.

Patiently and carefully a father learns his duties,

Starts with a diaper change to midnight soothing, playtime and school.

Moments turn to days as helping with homework,

going to games, deciding right-wrong takes a toll.

Endless driving lessons, impeccable taste of music,

countless arguments and family times seem like days of yester years.

Nothing beats the togetherness shared,a bond beyond the cord so rare,

That each woman tries finding a partner reflecting those ideal qualities as her Papa.

Sad it is as we leave for creating new homes,

but the lessons you taught will never be less than gold.

I cherish you and treasure you my dad!

I find it funny some days as a kid, of you my mentor/ friend i was scared.

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Posted by on June 16, 2013 in Poems


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Perspective a new!



New perspective

Looping constantly things have taken a toll,

Now against the rules I wish the dice roll.

Fluttering aimlessly like the leaf in the wind,
this wasn’t first choice, targets there were and so detetmined.

When do you give up and when should you fight,
if the circle is endless in one life.

Break the shackles and stop the wheel,
Misfortune of dungeons and dragons it may bring.

Being an orchid might have been the choice,
now dandelion sprouts after the cold in the spring.

There is defeat if one participates after all,
withdrawing is not an option it is not a fall.

Like the phoenix you can rise from the ashes,
then crumble the world that mocked your cuts and gashes.

Every journey comes to an end, how you choose to exit is hard to tell,
Fight or flight is not a last minute plan.

Each day counts and every rise and bruise makes the call,
They may say one but believe another, you are what it takes.

No secret powers they carry around, it is the will,
mighter than the money or a gun to hold you down.

If you wish today there can be a change,
a new beginning and just a journey to paradise range.

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Posted by on April 14, 2013 in Writing


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